


Sad pretending I’m not

by Seungbinonthelow



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Supernatural Elements, Angst with a Happy Ending, Depressed Han Jisung, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Jisung needs a hug, M/M, References to Depression, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-09
Updated: 2021-01-26
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:02:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25002085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Seungbinonthelow/pseuds/Seungbinonthelow
Summary: On a bad day Jisung would act the most happiest. Tricking himself into believing that the bad day didn’t get to him nor did it affect him at all.Or,’Minho knows Jisung a little too much for Jisung’s liking.
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know
Comments: 2
Kudos: 28





	1. Preview One

On a bad day, Jisung would act the happiest he could manage. Tricking himself into believing that the bad day didn’t get to him nor did it affect him at all. On a bad day, he would go in with his day way brighter than on a good day, playing around and being loud to not raise suspicions. Later that night as the day quickly went by and the sun slowly lost its brightness so did he.

No longer having to keep up the facade he let himself be unraveled under the dim lighting of the moon. Yes, he was sad, but no tears made their way down his face. Too tired to even allow himself to breathe properly, he laid soundlessly on his bed.

Why was it that no matter how hard he tried to get better nothing seemed to do him any justice? He was getting more and more afraid as the bad day kept coming more often to visit him and staying even longer for a vacation. He was scared that someday the bad days would lead him to take a permanent vacation to a place from which he could never come back.

To immerse in the voices inside his head he failed to see everything around him. From those who took care of him without his knowledge to those who cared dearly for him and would do anything for him. He doubted himself too much to believe that someone would care for him enough to notice the change in his attitude on a bad day after all he worked so hard to hide it, so who would notice.

So why was it that just a mere boy he didn’t even know the name of had asked him if he was okay when he was smiling so brightly on a bad day?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and feedback are welcome!!!!


	2. Preview Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From that moment on Minho knew he had made a big mistake but there was no turning back.

Minho only showed up on the bad days, he would take his time to slowly watch as Jisung became one with his sadness. On the bad days, he watched as Jisung tried to keep the voices inside his head at bay. He watched but could never approach as he could only be there when the bad days got the best of Jisung.

On days where the bad days were worse than any other bad day, Minho was given a chance to approach. 

He could approach but nothing he did ever seem to slow down the numbers that were graciously decreasing next to Jisung’s head.

After Minho had made Jisung’s bad day better he would go back to lingering in the shadows, ready to be forgotten like nothing ever happened. So lonely as for he was only there to care for others never for himself. It was always this way but he could never get used to the feeling of having someone’s life in his hands. He could never get used to the fact that on any given day he could potentially lose those he had to better. 

It was a normal occurrence, but he could never get used to witnessing people die in front of his eyes. He has always cared for everyone but it seemed like this time he had grown a little bit too attached to the person he had to care for this time, his mistake.

Minho couldn’t help it though. It was just too much, the sadness that came out of Jisung and the loneliness he always tried to hide with a smile a little too bright for his bad day. He didn’t understand how someone so beautiful could hate themselves so much, but not everyone saw themselves the way others saw them.

“The time is running out Minho. You have to figure something out before is too late and you end up failing once again.” Time once again had reminded him that the numbers ticking next to Jisung’s head were moving faster by the seconds. It was going too fast for his liking, decreasing with no mercy. 

Time is something so sweet yet so bad. It was viewed so differently by everyone because one was never to view something like others. Yet for Minho time was horrible, it was so bad only decreasing until it came to an end. That was all he saw, he was never allowed to view life as something positive because he always had to carry the burden of the decreasing numbers of the person that was thrown his way. 

Smiles painted people’s faces not knowing that the next day they would never be there again. The ticking of the clock was never generous to restart again. It never allowed someone to come back as the rule always remained the same, “never bring back those whose time has come to an end.”

The rule was very known amongst people like Minho. Breaking the rule came with severe punishment, it wasn’t known by many people as they never dared to break the rule but they heard about those that did and never returned tell the tale.

For Minho though, he didn’t care about any of that as he watched as Jisung’s time was slowly but surely coming to an end. He was close to breaking that rule. He could feel it from the way his heart would painfully clench as he spoke to Jisung and tried to get closer to him.

“Hello, I am Lee Minho nice to meet you. I am new here could you maybe show me around?”

“A big mistake you have made, Lee Minho. Yet, I am intrigued”


	3. Chapter One

.

Judgment. Jisung was never one to judge others, but he was always so quick to judge himself. Years of being judged and perfected to everyone’s liking rubbed off onto him making him what some would refer to as a “perfectionist”. The fact that he knew that nothing was perfect bothered him more than the imperfections in the words people murmured about him, for him to dwell upon. 

“Being perfect” was a thought he laughed about, perfection was a stage in which he knew he could never reach. No matter what the stage was nothing was perfect. No happy endings. No happiness. At least not for him. 

Jisung sighed, flipping to yet another page of his school workbook, writing down words that he had already lost track of. The sound of the TV that has been on for days filled his ears as he gently but determinedly scribbled down notes on his notebook. 

After being stuck in the same problem for a while now he decided it was time to take a break, not bothering to check for any notifications on his phone he got up and made his way to the bathroom to get ready for bed. Picking up the single toothbrush that was set down on the bathroom countertop he brushed his teeth in the silence of the big bathroom. Never looking up to see his reflection in the mirror. 

Making his way to his room with small steps he stared at the wall clock that slowly went in circles pointing at the time that never seemed to stop, but the clock had never told the time correctly. Tucking himself in bed he put his arms around the soft pillow hoping for sleep to take him soon.   
_

Jisung woke up before the ring of his alarm, getting up to make his way to the bathroom to get ready for the long day ahead. It never took him too long to get ready, he pocketed his keys making sure he didn’t leave them behind nor misplaced them. He grabbed his stuff and made his way out of the door.

“Morning Han!” Greeted Felix with a smile that Jisung returned with the same practiced enthusiasm. He made his way to the waving boy setting himself in the chair beside him. “You studied for the biology test today?” Felix asked peering at him with curious eyes before he could answer someone screeched- “biology test?” Hyunjin exclaimed as he made his way hurriedly to the back of the class with Seungmin in tow as he gently shook his head in disapproval. 

“I told you this yesterday Hyunjin, it’s your fault you forgot-“ Jisung tuned their bickering out as he dozed off staring outside the window. His first-class being on a floor level he could see people either walking calmly to their destination or rushing to where they wanted to be with coffee in hand seeming like they woke up a bit too late today to be on time. He kept looking until he saw a younger boy staring directly at him, eyes unblinking even as Jisung stared right back at him. Jisung abruptly ended the eye contact as the teacher made her entrance to the first class. Taking out his books he got ready to repeat the cycle.   
_  
“Class dismissed!” The teacher exclaimed packing up her books after the one-hour long lecture had finished. “Test result will be out Monday, look out for them. Good luck” she smiled warmly, no matter how scary she seemed while teaching the teacher always had been so caring towards them. 

Jisung got up grabbing his things and stuffing them in his backpack, saving the worries for the paper he had due in 3 days for later. “I don’t have class until 11 so I guess I’ll head to the library to finish that paper I totally didn’t procrastinate on.” Exclaimed Jisung as he rolled his eyes making his friends laugh. “Well unlike you idiots I have class in the next two minutes so I’ll head out” said Seungmin, making his way towards the door as Hyunjin and Felix said their goodbyes as well. 

Sighing Jisung made his way to the library, stopping in his tracks as he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. Checking the message he read the name and felt his body run cold and his palms turn sweaty. 

Shaking his head he continued walking with his head down still staring at his phone, reading over the message he had received. As he made a turn to get to the library entry he bumped into someone making him fall back on his butt, with a yelp. 

“I’m so sorry! I wasn’t looking where I was going” he heard the voice of the person he had bumped into say frantically as they offered their hand to hoist Jisung up. “It’s okay” Jisung said grabbing their hand, they were really cold Jisung noticed. “I wasn’t looking where I-“ his words were cut short as he came face to face with the boy he had seen earlier by the window. 

“Hey, you didn’t hit your head did you?” The boy asked, toned sounding worried. “ No! I mean no I’m okay, sorry for bumping into you” Jisung said awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck as he let out an awkward chuckle. “Nah it was my fault, don’t worry about it.” 

“Well I’ll see you around, gotta get running before I’m anymore late.” Exclaimed the boy as he started making his to the opposite side of the building. Jisung murmured a soft “okay” not sure if the boy even heard as he was quite far already. 

He did quite literally see the boy around and that was on the rooftop of his building. Jisung lived off-campus as he wasn’t very fond of the idea of having to share rooms with a person he didn’t even know, so he lived in an apartment way too big for only one person. 

“We meet again!” The boy exclaimed with a big smile on his face, strange for being the second time they had properly interacted. Nonetheless, Jisung smiled matching his enthusiasm as he greeted him. “You live here?” Asked Jisung looking at the boy with curious eyes. 

“Yea, I moved here recently, it was kind of a spur of the moment decision but here I am.” The boy stated. Jisung made a noise of understatement in response looking at the night sky from where they stood near the railing. Never too close. “I haven’t introduced myself yet, I’m Minho by the way. Lee Minho.” Said Minho after a few minutes of silence looking straight a Jisung. 

“Ahh, nice to properly meet you Minho, I’m Han Jisung” he answered in return. 

“I’m pretty sure I’m your Hyung.” Said Minho randomly. “Huh?” Jisung made a noise of confusion in return. “I said, that I think I’m older than you. 98 liner” Minho clarified more.  
_

That was how it all began, starting from bumping into each other to small hangouts to getting more comfortable around each other. 

In Jisung’s eyes everything seem to be going by too smoothly to be true. The smiles, the quick hello’s when they saw each other and the comfortable and comforting aura that Minho gave out to him. If it was a dream Jisung didn’t want to wake up from it, it was all too perfect and all he had wanted. 

“Wanna go grab coffee in the cafe down the street?” Jisung looked up from his books to see Minho peering at him with hopeful eyes and who was Jisung to say no. Later after they had grabbed coffee the older boy stated, “You seemed a bit down these past few days, is everything alright?” The question made Jisung’s heart stop, hurriedly as to not raise anymore suspicion he quickly nodded and gave a small “I’m fine” in return, along with a smile trying to hide any signs of discomfort. 

“We’ll just know I’m here if you ever need to talk” With just that the conversation was forgotten as if it was never touched and the atmosphere went back to how it usually always was, playful and calm.

After saying his final goodbyes Jisung had finally been dropped off at the door of his apartment, locking the door after him as he slid down against. Today was one of those days that he felt overwhelmed, there wasn’t a certain reason for him to feel this way but it seems like the struggles of the days are finally catching up to him. Everything around him was falling and he didn’t know how to get it back up anymore, this was the first time in months of meeting Minho that he had felt this way and for some reason his feelings were hitting harder than any other day. 

“Breath in... Breath out...” Jisung slowly reminded himself as he took deep breaths. The sound of the TV was growing too overwhelming for his ears making it hard for him to concentrate on his breathing. Quickly he got up with shaky legs and made his way to the bathroom, getting ready to shower off the bad day away. 

After 20 minutes of just standing there under the shower head he decided it was time to get out as his fingers were getting all wrinkled and nasty. 

Changing into sweats and a white t-shirt he stared at his bed, knowing that this time it will be very hard to get up once he had been absorbed. No school meant no pressure of getting up, even if it meant for a week. 

He sighed, it wasn’t easy and he knew it. What he didn’t know was when he would finally be able to look at his bed without feeling like it got to decide when he got up. 

Gently he lifted the covers getting under it, getting ready for the prison that was held under all that warmth.   
_  
“Lee Minho you’ve made a big mistake”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! This is the first official chapter, it took a while to write but I hope you guys enjoy it! Make sure to comment! 
> 
> I also added so symbolic objects, can you guess what they are and what they represent?


End file.
